When you ask my mom about her 25-year relationship with Hedy, you might get a certain response. But before we dive into that, I want to clarify that I haven’t written this post to tell my mom’s story. It’s her story to tell, and though we’ve talked about sharing this before posting it (both she and Hedy will review it), my goal here is just to share my own journey of discovering that my mom is gay.
Let’s rewind to when I was about 12. Back then, I was a bit of a nosy kid, always eavesdropping on other people’s phone calls. I shared a room with my sister, and we had these twin water beds with a wooden table in between them. On that table was our transparent landline phone, the kind where you could see all the wires inside. I used to sit under that table at night, listening to calls throughout the house. One day, I overheard my mom on the phone with her friend Hedy, and they said “I love you” before hanging up.
After hearing that, I was in a foul mood for the rest of the day, trying to figure out what it meant. I was already a moody kid, so no one really noticed. But the next evening, when my mom, sister, and I went grocery shopping, my mom asked me why I seemed off. Almost crying, I asked her, “Why did you tell Hedy you loved her?”
My sister, who already knew, and my mom exchanged glances and suggested we finish our shopping and then talk at home. The conversation went something like this: my mom loved Hedy, and Hedy loved my mom in a way beyond friendship. I was upset and didn’t really get it. Did this mean my parents would never get back together? Would they kiss in front of me? What did it all mean?
I was young, confused, and angry, and really couldn’t grasp the situation. So, I basically ignored it. Even after going to therapy, I just saw my mom and Hedy as friends, like they’d always been. I found myself clinging to my dad during that time, worried about his feelings and feeling torn because I missed my mom when I was with him.
Then, when I was 15, things turned upside down. My sister went off to college, my dad relocated to Texas for work, and my mom told me we were moving in with Hedy and her daughter, who was a year older than me. I wasn’t thrilled about this plan and felt lonely with my dad and sister far away. Starting high school, I was worried about how to explain my living situation to friends.
So, I came up with a ridiculous lie. Whenever friends visited, unprompted, I’d tell them that we all lived together because my mom was struggling financially, and that there were two bedrooms back where my mom and Hedy’s room was. This was far from the truth.
I’m not sure why I hid it. I wasn’t embarrassed by the situation but didn’t know how to explain it and feared people might judge me or, worse, judge my mom. As a moody teen, I acted out toward my mom and Hedy but was also protective of my mom. I knew coming out was tough for her, and I didn’t want anyone to treat her differently.
As I grew up, I came to understand and fully accept everything. My friends didn’t care at all. Sure, we had our ups and downs adjusting to this new normal, but at the end of the day, my mom was happy, and that was what mattered.
Fast forward to now, Hedy has been part of our lives for 29 years, and I proudly call her my step-mom. She loves my mom, my mom loves her, and we all love Hedy. My parents are friends, my sister lives down the street from my mom, and I wouldn’t trade my modern family for anything.
When you’re young, parents always say your happiness is what matters. As you get older, you just want them to be happy, too.
To my mom, because I know you’ll read this before it’s posted: I’m so sorry, both to you and Hedy, for being such a difficult teenager. I’m sorry it took me a while to understand. I regret making up that stupid lie years ago. You’re my best friend and my world, and I’m proud of you every day. I love seeing you happy. You’ve been through so much but stayed true to who you are. You’re the strongest, most amazing woman I know, and I’m so lucky to have you as my mom. I really hit the mom lottery with you.
It’s 2019, people, love is love!